Having a Mindful Holiday: Presents vs. Presence
Having a Mindful Holiday: Presents vs. Presence
By James Porter
The holidays are often described as “the most wonderful time of the year,” but many of us arrive at December already running on fumes. We’re juggling end-of-year work demands while simultaneously navigating a long list of additional responsibilities: buying a Christmas tree, preparing the house for guests, choosing and wrapping gifts, attending parties, traveling, hosting, being hosted. All of this disrupts our familiar rhythms and routines. By the time the holiday week actually arrives, we’re often dysregulated, exhausted, and operating with far less patience than usual. Add to that the complicated dynamics of family gatherings—especially with relatives we don’t always enjoy being around—and you have a nearly perfect recipe for holiday stress.
But there’s a better way to move through this season. Mindfulness offers a set of practical tools that help us slow down, reconnect with what matters, and experience the holidays with a greater sense of ease. This week, we build on last week’s discussion by exploring five mindful practices—small adjustments that can help you shift from the frenzy of “presents” to the grounding power of “presence.”
1. Maintain Your Self-Care Routine (Even in Miniature)
One of the first things we abandon during the holidays is our self-care. We stop going for walks. We sleep less. We skip the gym, postpone meditation, or eat in ways that leave us feeling sluggish rather than nourished. Yet this is precisely the time of year when we need these grounding rituals the most.
The good news? You don’t need long blocks of time. Try microdosing self-care—short, intentional pauses that help reset your nervous system and bring you back into the present moment.
Take a two-minute breathing break.
Step outside for even a five-minute walk. Stand by a window and simply take in the sky or a tree nearby. These tiny moments of regulation accumulate, helping you stay more centered as the day unfolds.
Think of self-care as your anchor. You don’t need perfection—you just need consistency.
2. Be Curious, Not Judgmental
Most families include at least one person who pushes our buttons. Maybe they talk too much, complain too often, offer unsolicited advice, or revive the same old political debates. It’s easy to brace ourselves or slip into judgment. But mindfulness invites us to approach these interactions with curiosity instead of criticism.
Curiosity opens space. It softens our reactivity. It helps us see the full human being in front of us rather than the version we anticipate.
Try asking yourself: What do I not know about this person? What might they be struggling with? What do we actually have in common?
Finding even one shared interest—music, movies, sports, a favorite hobby, a beloved pet—can transform the encounter. When we shift from defending ourselves to discovering something new, even challenging relationships become more navigable.
3. Listen More, Talk Less
In a season filled with noise—decorations, music, chatter, travel, to-do lists—listening becomes an act of mindfulness. When we make space to truly listen, we naturally put more emphasis on presence and less on presents.
Give someone your full attention. Notice their tone, their energy, their excitement or fatigue. Let them finish their sentences without planning your response. Listening deeply not only improves connection, it slows you down internally. It grounds you.
Instead of trying to keep the conversation cheerful or perfect, try simply being there.
4. Accept What Is—And Make Room for Mixed Emotions
Holiday gatherings rarely unfold exactly as we imagine. Someone will be late. Someone will overreact. A conversation will take an awkward turn. A child will melt down. A dish won’t come out right. And in the middle of the laughter and warmth, you may still feel stress, sadness, grief, or loneliness.
Mindfulness encourages us to hold space for contrasting experiences. We don’t need to force ourselves—or others—to be cheerful. We can let the holiday be what it is: a blend of joy and frustration, connection and discomfort, delight and fatigue.
Expecting perfection only amplifies stress. Accepting reality creates room to breathe.
5. Set Boundaries with Grace
Saying no—no to overdrinking, overeating, overscheduling, overstaying your welcome—is an essential part of holiday self-care. Boundaries don’t have to be harsh. In fact, the most effective ones are delivered with gentleness and clarity.
“No thank you, I’m good.”
“I’m going to head out before it gets too late.”
“I’d love to join, but I need some downtime.”
When we set boundaries early and kindly, we protect our well-being without creating unnecessary conflict.
This year, try giving yourself the gift of presence.
It may not come wrapped, but it’s the one offering that enriches every moment, deepens every relationship, and helps you meet the season with steadiness rather than strain.
James Porter
Author